Sex, a sweet amnesiac. How could I tell him I bought the dress because I felt marked down? Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. Yes, as if I am less than a body. Not as intense or exciting-not as short-lived-as a one-night stand or an affair. I wanted to give him a glass of water. Only the little girl from India, daughter of the motel owner, invigorates the stasis.
Rick goes to shower. Andrew seems not to see, pretends not to notice, this mess that is me. By feigning illness and staying in bed, your eyes shut, the door closed, you could pretend not to notice how you made me available to your husband-a gift-a little-girl wife. My limbs feel weighted with leaden male gravity. You gave me as a present. I wanted to give him a glass of water. Give him a glass of water. I cut the engine and air conditioner and listen to stillness, to nothing, to heat. The more he speaks, the more weightless my head feels, the more sluggish my body. Each lump ranged from a few millimeters in width to half a centimeter in size. I have tried to keep up appearances. I slide my fingers along metal hangers in the closet. The back of my neck is sweaty, and I coil my hair around my fist. Not as intense or exciting-not as short-lived-as a one-night stand or an affair. Now Andrew and I have nice antiques, an Oriental rug, watercolor paintings. I could see her muscle. The attic fan whooshes air from the basement up through the house and out the windows, out the vents in the gable. For only when my body is desired do I feel beautiful, powerful, loved. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. These men see me just as an object, a body. I knew that despite my love of pussy I could not go down on her again without puking my guts up. Sometimes sixty-nine-but all Rick wants is to get the job done. Slightly less enthused but still determined I plunged in face-first and started getting busy. With her searing honesty, sharp perceptions, and ability to convey the nuances of emotional terrain, she sheds light on a topic that has been shrouded in secrecy and muddled in misperceptions. Andrew urged me to buy something nicer.
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